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Epic Letter To Students Regarding Classes & The Dangerously Cold Weather

Epic Letter To Students Regarding Classes & The Dangerously Cold Weather

Cover your faces & put on your cross country skis..."You all DEFINITELY still have class." Posted on Northwesternflipside.com (a weekly satirical publication) & very, very funny!

Dear Northwestern Community,

Many of you are aware that Chicago Public Schools are officially closed Monday Jan. 27, 2014 due to concerns regarding extreme cold. You may also know that Lincoln Park Zoo recently had to purchase booties for the polar bears. Northwestern University, however, will hold classes on Monday. You’re Wildcats. You were made for this.

Students should be advised, however, that subzero temperatures can be extremely dangerous during prolonged periods of outdoor activity. For this reason, please make sure to cover your face and head while waiting for your first and second frostbite shuttles, which will be full, before miserably shuffling to Lunt Hall for your math quiz. Actually, the Math Department says that the wind-chill factor forecasted for Monday and Tuesday is roughly equal to –dag3, so ultimately, this should be educational.

For students afflicted with a scheduled ten-minute trek from the Technological Institute to University Hall, cross country skis will be available for rental from Norris Outdoors, provided staff is able to unfreeze the padlock on the closet where they’re stored. Depending on visibility and delays at O’Hare, Sherpa guides from Tibet may also be provided for visitors and Freshman engineers who have to find Locy Hall for the first time.

We also encourage students to build igloos on Deering Meadow for temporary warming stations. While the administration is not able to help with this endeavor, shovels and ice picks will be distributed at the Registrar’s office at 633 Clark Street for those interested.

Aside from putting on some chapstick and an extra pair of socks and manning up for that walk to Kresge, President Schapiro offers students several other tips for staying warm: “Go ahead, take a swig from that flask I know you have in your jacket in Humanities 260. The cold won’t seem that bad, and you all DEFINITELY still have class.”

 

Thanks to Northwesternflipside.com for letting us re-publish this letter. Click here for the original article.

 

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